But what you can learn only from first-hand experience is that
the Port Authority Bus Terminal is also the one place in all of Manhattan that can
drive a sane, able-bodied person to the brink of a total nervous breakdown in almost
no time at all.
I discovered this for myself last week when, on the spur of
the moment, I decided to take the Greyhound bus from Port Authority to Atlantic City in New Jersey for a mini-break. My return
bus fare was only $44 and I thought that was a real bargain. It all seemed like such a wonderful and cost-effective
adventure.
But first I had to catch the bus and that, dear friends, is
where my adventure truly began.
When I emerged from the subway and entered the Port
Authority slipstream, I saw a number of departure screens that informed me what
gate my bus would ultimately leave from, but they didn’t give me any idea how
to find the bus office to print my ticket in the first place. In fact, signage that would be remotely helpful
in any regard is either displayed sporadically, or not at all. Everywhere I looked, rush-hour crowds swarmed
the Terminal, and trying to find 30 seconds to clear my head and get my
bearings was pretty much impossible.
After long, frustrating minutes of dragging my suitcase
around the Terminal, I was desperate to find an information booth, or even just
someone official who looked like they might
work in this crazy nightmare.
By some miracle of the universe, I actually found the
Greyhound bus office all by myself. As expected, the ticket agent
was as broken-spirited as I was starting to feel, and he wordlessly printed my
tickets for me. With a listless wave of
his hand, the ticket agent dismissed me and I made my way downstairs to the labyrinth
of bus departure gates.
When my eyes finally adjusted to the dim subterranean lighting, I encountered
the most colourful cast of characters I’d seen in a long time (even by New York
standards).
Squealing children ran riot through the corridors. Obese women had shoe-horned themselves into
tank tops and short-shorts. Beer-bellied,
sweaty-chested men refused to button up their grimy cotton shirts. A Chinese woman loudly screamed in rapid-fire
Mandarin at anyone who dared to get too close to her.
Oh God, was this the queue to Atlantic City? I had never felt more inclined to abandon a
holiday so quickly in my life.
There are about twelve chairs in the entire downstairs
waiting area, all located next to the bathrooms, which you can smell from at
least 20 feet away. To preserve whatever
vestige of sanity that remained, I stood in the vicinity of my bus departure
gate, trying not to stare at the motley crew of passengers that filled the departing
buses.
After what seemed like an eternity in the tenth circle of
hell, it was finally time to board my and I got on the end of the
queue. I stood behind two lovely ladies
who seemed to find great humour in the depressing chaos around me. One of the ladies was fanning herself with
her ticket and I noticed that she and her friend were actually booked on an afternoon
departure from New York. Fearing I might
actually be in the wrong queue after all, I asked the ladies how they were able
to get seats on the 11am departure. They
explained that because none of the Greyhound bus seats are actually assigned, it’s a
first-come, first-served thing. You’re actually
welcome to line up and squeeze onto an earlier departure, if you arrive in time. You don’t even go on standby or need to get a
new ticket or anything – you just line up and if there’s a seat on-board, you
can have it.
It appears the early bird gets to worm their way out of the
Port Authority Bus Terminal first.
When I was finally in my seat, next to the window and
alongside a lovely young mother and her (mercifully) sleeping baby, the
journey to Atlantic City was uneventful and actually quite pleasant. It just seems that for those of us interested
in cutting interstate travel costs, Port Authority Bus Terminal is a necessary
evil.
But there is a happy ending to this story. The Port Authority Board recently approved a
$90 million makeover for the whole terminal.
There is rather widespread disagreement on how the funds will be spent,
but if they can just improve the lighting, signage, seating, and quality of the toilets, interstate bus travel from the
Port Authority Bus Terminal will be a much more pleasant experience for everyone.
